How To Write A Christian Romance: Why Physical Attraction Doesn’t Cut It

In the past few years, I’ve noticed a trend in traditionally published novels by Christian authors:

Emphasis on physical attraction. To be specific, too much emphasis.

To start, there is nothing wrong with noticing someone is, well, physically attractive. Nothing wrong with noticing they have pretty hair or pretty eyes and even telling them such isn’t exactly wrong in and of itself.

The problem is when a simple notice or a genuine compliment starts turning into not-so-appropriate thoughts. (In other words, lust)

Another problem is when physical attraction becomes the basis for the relationship.


Relationships are based in things like actually getting to know the other, whether it be by talking or putting together a puzzle or roller-skating. Communication is also key. Another thing relationships are based in is the things you have in common, like writing or painting or reading, etc.

That’s the stuff that actually creates bonds between people. Having things in common leads to talking about it, and talking about it leads to doing those things together.

(Honestly, that applies to friendship as well, not just romance, but since I’m talking about romance in this post…)

Another important thing: Be friends first – good friends. Because all the best romances start in the friendzone. xD

Most importantly, a relationship in a Christian novel needs to be God-centered. Put God first, then your significant other.

That is…pretty much all I got right now. I may eventually expand on some of these.

Tell me your thoughts below!

8 thoughts on “How To Write A Christian Romance: Why Physical Attraction Doesn’t Cut It

    1. Right??? That’s literally how people form relationships! So what’s up with all this lip-gazing-at-first-sight I’ve seen way too many times to count in trad-published Christian fiction? People need to be less concerned with the outward and more concerned with the inward…and that should go for fiction too.


  1. I love this article. Romance is so often portrayed in a shallow way (Disney!), and it warps our perception of what a godly romantic relationship can look like.

    I think another thing that can lead to romance is admiration of a person’s character.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would say the worst offenders in that catergory are the first three princess movies. Some of the later romances do exhibit characteristics that should be in a romance – such as sacrifice (ex: Tangled). Of course, there’s still the whole ‘dirty rags’ thing.

      But for the most part, yes, lots of fictional romances – even, unfortunately, in the Christian realm – are shallow.

      And now that I’ve thought about it, I think the If I Run series by Terri Blackstock has the whole praying in regards to romantic endeavors thing. I can’t remember for sure, I’d have to read them again.

      Other than all that, let’s hope the book I picked up at the library today has that praying for guidance in romance thing. *crosses fingers*


  2. Okay, I think you can safely take out ‘Christian’ from this and just say ‘romance’, because this is SUCH A BIG PROBLEM WITH THE BOOKS I READ AND I DON’T EVEN READ MUCH CHRISTIAN FICTION. IT’S SO ANNOYING. Especially when they barely know each other and are just “I WOULD DIE FOR THAT PERSON BECAUSE THEY ARE HOT.” They need to chill out.

    And you know, being friends first is a good point. I think even an enemies-to-lovers romance should have a period where they learn to be friends first. I guess there are relationships that start with two people feeling attracted to each other when they first meet and it develops into something more, though. But attraction at first sight is WAY different from love at first sight.


    1. Mh-hm. Big difference between attraction and love. And with attraction, there’s an even bigger difference between attraction to the physical and attraction to the person’s ACTUAL character.

      Plus, love is an action, not a feeling. Ooh look, ANOTHER post idea! *dashes off to write*

      Liked by 1 person

  3. THIS!! And because you asked for thoughts….*stretches* I think that a Christian romance, or really, ANY well written romance HAS to go beyond the two people to something greater. Because sure the sweet looks and personal soul-connection is wonderful…but what about after all the passion and fire has faded or settled? There IS rain that can quench it at times, and it needs something more than two people to keep their fire burning.

    But I’m getting sappy now and rehashing your thoughts 😀 😛 So I repeat…THIS!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s another thing I didn’t think of – not many Christian romance novels I’ve read show the couple praying for guidance when it comes to relationships. Which really isn’t good…every couple has their ups and downs, and in a Christian romance, you’d think there’d be a lot of praying for the relationship and for God’s guidance.

      Liked by 1 person

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